Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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