This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
