He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
