How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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