I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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