The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
vagina is talking i cant
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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