on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
