i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You may now shotgun with the bride
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
