just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
