Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I party with great urgency now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
