i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
