Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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