I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
