one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
