btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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