apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
