You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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