um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
