why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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