The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
