So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
