My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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