I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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