Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
