He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
