If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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