I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
