And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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