we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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