if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
