I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
