Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
