This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
