Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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