Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My hand turned me down
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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