i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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