My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
