your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
my liver is dry heaving
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
