I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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