im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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