All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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