Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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