I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
