sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
