Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
