the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
