just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
