this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
