I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
