And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
